Professional Nudge

WHAT IS A NUDGE?

A nudge is typically a suggestion to consider making a "small" change for yourself.  It's an ivitation to try something new for you or your relationship as a substitute for what you observe is not working or is standing in the way of a better relationship.  Over time, successfully adopting several nudges can radically change habits and behavior, hopefully for the good of all.  Nudges are used to strip away the things that stand in the way of being open to making intimate connections with another person.  The initial nudge typically requires several additional nudges until we open up completely to who we really are under the layers of defenses and the like we've adopted over many years that keep us separate from others.  Once we've gotten to a place of openness it becomes a conscious part of us and stays with us.  Of course, we sometimes "forget" what works so a typical nudge is to remember what you did that works and bring it back into your behavior.  Nudges can come in all shapes and sizes.  In every relationship we have encountered, including our own, the "try giving up being right" nudge is offered at some point.  There is something in each of us that needs to be "right" and we forget it doesn't work very well in relationships. Wanting to be "right" is often an attempt to control others and it separates us from those we wish to keep connection with in our lives.  When Dr. Phil interviews couples in conflict with each other on his TV show, notice that almost every person in conflict with their spouse has to be seen as being "right."  When one of them stops trying to be "right" the conflicts become manageable. When people are not trying to be "right" they get much more involved in listening to their partner, they become curious about life and they avoid useless fights and arguments.  Remembering to give up being right when that urge comes upon us will change how a relationship works and practicing discussions without it always leads to couples being more attentive to the needs of their partners.  It is part of forming a powerful connection and creating A GREAT MARRIAGE.